Well I know that I have unloaded my weight issues on you and I am sure that you find that topic boring, so today I will unload everything else on you.
1) I have been depressed lately and I can not put my finger on the reason. As you all know and I am not ashamed to say, I am on zoloft so this should not be happening to me. I know that zoloft is not the cure all by any means. All it is helping me do right now is not to crawl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I don't really even know why I want to cry so bad, I am sure the PMS has a little something to do with it.
2) I often find myself questioning why people are in my life?? I know that sounds really silly, but I do! I wonder if some people are in my life for reasons unknown to me, were the put in my life to learn hard lessons from? Were they put in my life to help me learn to trust more? I just don't know. I have a really hard time trusting people and then there are times that I just trust way too easily. Why is that? I sometimes find myself trusting the people that don't deserve it at all, and then when that trust is broken I find myself questioning everyone else around me. Am I just friends with some people because we have been friends for so long that it just seems like I must continue the friendship? I don't know I am just rambling on with the thoughts in my head right now. I do know that I have some wonderful friends that do truly love me, and I have some friends that I feel like just use me for my always available shoulder to lean on. The ones that when you call them up needing to talk about what is on your mind and they turn a deaf ear to what you are saying and can't wait to get back on the conversation of themselves. I am 33 maybe it is time to weed some people out of my life. I know you shouldn't have people in your life that you question the reason for their existence.
3)I have been missing my father so much lately. I don't really ever talk about this. But, with the birth of Blake I truly wish everyday that my daddy would be around to meet my girls. Would he be proud of the woman I have become? Would he love my angels as much as I do? I know how much he loved me so I just assume he would feel the same way about my girls. It is still unreal to me that he is gone and that I don't have him to talk to. He was always there for me when I needed to talk or needed help figuring something out in my life. He was taken from me way to soon, and that is unfair to me. Do you ever truly get over losing someone you loved so much?
4) We have been married for almost 5 years. In 21 days it will be 5 years. I want to do something so special but with the girls that just doesn't seem possible. Maybe we will all go out to a special dinner. I don't know, maybe I will get Aunt Salma to watch the girls for a while so we can go out and enjoy just the two of us. I can not believe it has already been 5 years, I was thinking about our wedding last night and how much fun we had and how beautiful the ceremony was, I just wish we could go back and do it again.
I will put this to an end for now, I just wanted to vent I guess
The crazy mind of McCalle
So.. to answer your questions. 1. It is the stress of 2 kids, work, life, etc. It's a roller coaster and even with the magic pills its tough some time. We can cry it out together :-) 2. I think God placed me in your life because you are a blessing to me. 3. I think your dad would be so PROUD of you!!! You are an amazing friend, mom, and wife. 4. I totally understand. Justin and I celebrated our 5th in December, 2 months after the boys were born. We got one night in Austin and he slept in a bath tub! When we first got married, I pictured 5 years - Hawaii. Ha! I'll take my babies instead. Love yoU!!!
ReplyDeleteI know Uncle D would've been very proud of you and would absolutely be in love with the girls! You are a special person and an inspiration from thousands of miles away! Big hugs and lots of love to you :0)
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