Well here I am again with tons on my mind so here I go.....
I have my doctors appointment in the morning to get my moles checked out. This is about the time I always start to freak out about these appointments. I have never liked going to this doctor, I would rather go to any doctor but this one. I always feel like they have nothing but bad news for me. So I will try to stay positive and know that whatever happens.... happens! It is out of my control at this point.
I have not checked in about my weight in 3 weeks, I am sure some of you are wondering what happened. Well I took a 3 week break from my 2 week diet, yep I said it! I fell off the wagon BIG TIME! So I am back and ready. I had lunch today with a very dear friend of mine that I have had for what feels like forever, we both always complain about our weight as we sit and eat whatever horrible food we can put in our mouths. I can not remember a time of ever feeling like this, feeling disgusted when I look at myself in the mirror. Feeling embarrassed for my family when I have to put a swimsuit on and get into a pool. Feeling so let down every morning when I get dressed that I just put on my big girl clothes and not care what I look like. Well I am here to tell you after a comment that was made to me last week and my lunch today with my friend, I am ready, I am ready to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something about this. I am the one that is in control of my weight, I can not blame anyone else when I eat what I eat. I will drag my ass to the gym 3-4 times a week. I went today, so that is the beginning. So while I am putting on my big girl clothes, I will also put on my big girl panties and do something about this.
I am having a hard time with judgemental people right now, this has nothing to do with the paragraph above. The older I get the more open-minded I seem to become. I accept pretty much everybody no matter what beliefs they have. I am around lots of religious people the majority of the time. I have very good girlfriends that have very strong faith. I have very good friends that also question faith. Does this make either one of them less or more? I don't believe so. I don't discuss religion very often, but when I come across people that call others out because of the way they choose to live their lives or the way the believe, I HAVE A PROBLEM! I am happy with the way my friends and family choose to live their lives and choose to believe whatever it is they believe. I feel like if we all believed the same thing that nobody would ever grow and learn, so can't everybody be right? I have a few girlfriends that I turn to when I have questions about religion, and never once have they tried to tell me what I think is WRONG. I am am a believer, I am a believer in a lot of things. I am a very spiritual person, does anyone ever ask me this? The people that know me best know where I stand and know where my heart is, the rest just choose to think the worst! I am venting about this because it happens all to often that people in my life call other people out for not believing the exact way they do. To me this is not the way it was intended. How can one be so into what the bible says and then turn around and call someone of another color a name? How is this right? I was raised by a black woman, and she was and is the most incredible woman I have ever been around. I love her more than I could ever express, I still cry everytime I see her. If it was possible she would still be my nanny( I mean for me not the girls)! Lily and Blake have Salma and she is a muslim, does this matter? To some people it does? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? Salma has become such a special part of our family and we love her so! I often ask her different questions about her faith, just because I want to know. I accept her fully and accept her beliefs fully. So I guess all this is about is why do people judge? Isn't there really only ONE judge? I just ask you to think before you speak, and to not think that your beliefs are always the only beliefs.
I will put this to rest for now... by the way Blake rolled over tonight.
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